You’ve met someone amazing. They’re kind, thoughtful, and everything you’ve ever wanted... yet you’re already bracing yourself for the heartbreak. Sound familiar?
It’s as if no matter how good things seem, there’s that little voice in your head whispering, “This won’t last. Something is bound to go wrong.”
You’re not alone in feeling this way. So many people, especially those who have experienced difficult or toxic relationships, carry this anxiety into every new relationship.
But here’s the truth: this fear isn’t about your current partner or the relationship. It’s about the subconscious patterns you’ve learned over time.
In this blog, we’ll explore why you always expect the worst in relationships and how you can start breaking this exhausting cycle.
Understanding Why You Expect the Worst
It’s easy to blame external factors for our relationship fears, but the real reason often lies much deeper, within our subconscious mind.
If you’ve been through abandonment, betrayal, or trauma in past relationships (especially as a child - even if it was just perceived abandonment), your subconscious has learned to expect pain, even when things are going well. It’s like you’ve trained yourself to be on guard, anticipating the next emotional blow before it even happens.
This might have worked as a coping mechanism in the past to protect you, but it’s now creating anxiety and insecurity in your current relationships.
You might not even realise it, but your brain is stuck in a survival mode where safety feels temporary, and happiness is something you’re waiting to lose.
Here are a few common reasons you might always think the worst will happen:
Past trauma or emotional wounds: If you’ve been hurt before—especially in ways that felt like betrayal or abandonment—your brain tries to protect you by scanning for signs that it will happen again.
Fear of abandonment: Even when things seem perfect, you may subconsciously fear being left behind. You may believe that love always fades or that people eventually leave, even if they haven’t given you any reason to think so.
Low self-worth: If deep down, you don’t truly believe you’re worthy of love, you may find yourself questioning why someone would want to stay with you. This insecurity fuels your belief that something bad is bound to happen.
Unresolved attachment issues: If you’ve experienced inconsistency in love during childhood or in early relationships, you may expect instability. You might fear that even the most secure relationship will become unpredictable.
The Cycle of Self-Sabotage
When you always expect the worst, it’s easy to start unintentionally sabotaging the relationship. This is how the cycle often plays out:
Overanalysing everything: When you’re constantly expecting something to go wrong, you might start overthinking your partner’s actions or words. A delayed text or change in tone could send you into a spiral of worry, making you question their commitment or interest.
Seeking constant reassurance: To feel secure, you may find yourself needing constant validation from your partner. This can create pressure on the relationship, making your partner feel like they can never do enough to make you feel safe.
Emotional distancing: To protect yourself from the pain you fear is coming, you may start pulling away emotionally before anything bad even happens. Ironically, this behaviour often leads to the very distance you were trying to avoid.
These patterns create a self-fulfilling prophecy where the fear of the relationship failing ends up damaging it.
Can Relationships Be Fixed?
Yes, relationships can be fixed. But the key is understanding that this work starts with you—not just with the relationship itself.
You need to heal the subconscious patterns that cause you to expect the worst. It’s not about simply “thinking positive” or ignoring the fear. That doesn’t address the root cause. Instead, it’s about reprogramming your subconscious mind so you can feel secure and trust that you’re worthy of love and stability, without waiting for the other shoe to drop.
How to Rewire Your Subconscious and Break the Cycle
Here are some powerful ways you can start shifting the way you feel in relationships and stop expecting the worst:
1. Heal Your Subconscious Beliefs
Your thoughts and emotions around relationships come from deep-seated beliefs about yourself, love, and safety. Hypnotherapy, breakthrough breathwork and mindset coaching are incredibly effective tools to help you access and shift these subconscious patterns. Instead of reliving your past trauma, hypnotherapy allows you to reprogram those outdated beliefs with new, empowering ones. Something I can help with.
You’ll move from expecting abandonment to feeling secure in the knowledge that you’re worthy of love and stability. You’ll stop believing that heartbreak is inevitable and start trusting in the possibility of long-lasting, healthy relationships.
2. Challenge Your Negative Thought Patterns
It’s important to become aware of the thoughts that fuel your fears. Next time you catch yourself thinking, “This won’t last” or “They’ll leave me eventually,” ask yourself: Is this based on fact or fear?
Often, these thoughts are projections of past experiences and have nothing to do with your current reality. Learning to recognise and challenge them is the first step to breaking the cycle.
3. Practice Self-Validation
When you always seek reassurance from your partner, it puts unnecessary pressure on the relationship. Instead, practice giving yourself the validation and love you crave. Remind yourself that you are enough and that you deserve a healthy, loving relationship.
When you start to believe that you’re worthy of love, you won’t need constant external validation to feel secure.
4. Stop Trying to Control the Outcome
The fear of the worst happening often comes from a desire to control the relationship’s outcome. But love isn’t about control—it’s about trust. Learning to release control and allow the relationship to evolve naturally is a key part of building a secure attachment.
Trusting yourself and your partner to handle whatever comes allows you to stay present in the relationship, without being consumed by the fear of what might go wrong.
It’s Time to Break the Cycle
If you’re tired of always expecting the worst and want to feel secure and confident in love, it’s time to do the inner work. Your past does not have to define your future. Relationships can be fixed, but first, you need to heal the relationship you have with yourself. ❤️
Let’s rewire your mind so you can finally feel safe, secure, and at peace in love. You deserve it.
Ready to Rewrite Your Relationship Story?
If you’re ready to stop waiting for things to go wrong and start trusting in love again, I can help. Through hypnotherapy, breakthrough breathwork and mindset coaching, I’ll guide you through reprogramming your subconscious so you can finally experience the security, trust, and peace you’ve been craving.
Visit my page below to learn how we can work together to create lasting, positive change in your relationships.