Why You Keep Seeking Validation in Relationships (And How to Stop)
Have you ever felt like you need reassurance in your relationships to feel secure?
Maybe you overanalyse texts, feel uneasy when someone pulls away slightly, or find yourself constantly wondering, Am I enough?
You’re not alone.
But here’s the truth…this pattern isn’t about the other person.
It’s about something deeper: your relationship with yourself.
If you’ve ever felt like no matter how much love, attention, or reassurance you get, it still doesn’t feel like enough—this is for you.
Why We Crave Validation in Relationships
Seeking validation isn’t a personal flaw, it’s a learned survival mechanism.
Somewhere along the way, you might have picked up the belief that your worth is dependent on how others see you.
Maybe…
💭 You grew up needing to “earn” love through achievements, people-pleasing, or being “good.”
💭 You’ve been in relationships where you felt unseen, unappreciated, or abandoned.
💭 Your self-worth has been shaped by rejection, heartbreak, or past trauma.
Whatever the reason, the result is the same: you look outside of yourself for the security that can only come from within.
And the frustrating part?
No amount of validation ever feels like enough. Even when someone reassures you, the doubts creep back in—because the real shift has to happen inside you.
Breaking the “Not Enough” Cycle
When you tie your self-worth to someone else’s attention, actions, or words, you enter a cycle that looks like this:
1️⃣ You feel anxious or uncertain in a relationship.
2️⃣ You seek validation—through reassurance, people-pleasing, overgiving, or even overanalysing small interactions.
3️⃣ You feel better… for a little while.
4️⃣ The doubts creep back in, and the cycle repeats.
So how do you break free?
You start by training your mind to feel enough, without needing constant reassurance.
How to Start Rewiring Your Mind for Self-Worth
If you’re used to seeking validation from others, shifting to internal validation won’t happen overnight….but you can start retraining your mind today.
Here are 3 simple but powerful ways to break free from the cycle:
1️⃣ Reframe the Story in Your Head
Your brain is wired to fill in the gaps. If you don’t hear back from someone for a few hours, your first thought might be:
💭 They’re losing interest.
💭 I must have said something wrong.
💭 Maybe they don’t like me as much as I like them.
But that’s just ONE possible explanation. Instead, challenge yourself to write down 10 alternative reasons why they haven’t responded.
✅ They’re busy with work.
✅ Their phone is on silent.
✅ They’re taking time for themselves.
✅ They fell asleep watching Netflix.
✅ They’re just not a fast texter.
The more you do this, the more your brain learns to STOP defaulting to self-doubt and fear.
2️⃣ Shift Your Focus Back to YOU
When you’re caught in a cycle of seeking validation, your energy is focused outward—on what someone else is doing, thinking, or feeling.
The antidote? Turn the focus inward.
🌟 Instead of obsessing over their actions, ask yourself:
What do I need today to feel good?
How can I show up for myself right now?
What makes ME feel happy, grounded, or secure?
Every time you shift your attention back to your own needs, you train your brain to find security within you—not from someone else.
3️⃣ Start Celebrating Yourself—Every Single Day
When you constantly look for external validation, it’s often because you’re not giving yourself enough credit.
Here’s a simple way to start building self-worth from within:
📖 Create a “Self-Celebration” List 📖
At the end of each day, write down 3 things you’re proud of….BIG or small.
💡 “I spoke up for myself today.”
💡 “I stayed present instead of overthinking.”
💡 “I did something kind for myself.”
The more you acknowledge your own worth, the less you’ll feel the need to seek validation from others.
Ready to Speed Up the Process?
Rewiring your self-worth doesn’t have to take months or years.
That’s exactly why I created Enough As You Are: The 7-Day Challenge, to help you fast-track this transformation.
💬 A week of powerful daily mindset shifts & self-worth challenges.
🎥 A live workshop to break free from the patterns keeping you stuck.
🤝 A private WhatsApp group for support, connection, and accountability.
📅 Starts Monday, March 3rd | Live Workshop Tuesday, March 4th
💰 Only £19
It’s time to stop waiting for someone else to make you feel enough.
You already are. Now, let’s help you believe it. 💖